Anger can be defined as “a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong”. It can be triggered by external or internal events. Anger is our innate response to threats and one that is usually expressed aggressively.
Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Advise me.” He said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him, “Do not become angry.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Bari, 10/456)
According to another report, the man said: “I thought about what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil.” (Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)
Islam warns us of the dangers of anger and teaches us a few ways to deal with it to. As Muslims, we try to follow the teachings in our own way, by completely dismissing and invalidating the emotion which isn’t always the best solution.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.“
The above advice by The Prophet SAWS actually helps prevents a person from going out of control due to their anger and hurting someone
Al-’Allaamah al-Khattaabi, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Abu Dawud: “One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And Allaah knows best.” (Sunan Abi Dawud, with Ma’aalim al-Sunan, 5/141)
What we can learn from this is that no one is free from feeling anger, it is inevitable and that we can expect to be angry but what really matters is what you do when you feel angry? Piling it up can only lead to disaster and so can acting up on it. How often has our behavior caused by anger led us to regret? How often do we reach our limits with anger? How often do you manage to hold yourself back while in anger but let it out on someone else at a different time?
Swallowing one’s anger is no easy feat, perhaps it wouldn’t have been a measure of strength if it truly was easy. Swallowing one’s anger doesn’t really mean that we keep quiet and let it fester up inside until it blows up. So what can we do to manage our anger?
In order to manage our anger we must first acknowledge it.Recognise when you are feeling some form of anger; be it mild irritation or rage. Acknowledging that you are angry allows you to assess the situation further and identify the trigger/source. What is it that is making you angry? Was it something that the other person said? Why did it make you angry? Is it really the long queue that’s causing your rage or is it something else? If we can identify our triggers then dealing with anger becomes easier.
A great way to deal with anger is to reframe your thoughts . Anger is often followed by irrational thoughts to fuel it. It is important to change such thoughts into rational ones. Let’s say you’re on your way to work and you’re running late because of traffic. The clock’s ticking and you’re starting to get more and more impatient and when you’re finally on your way picking up the pace, you get a flat tire.
“Why do these things happen to me?” “Why did it happen today, of all days?” “This is so unfair!”
These are some of the thoughts that may cross your mind, they don’t help and only put you in more distress. Work on changing your thoughts to “ This is very inconvenient but nothing I can’t handle” “Allah is The Best of Planners, so this must have some good in it” “Alhumdolillah, it’s not a major issue”.
Reframing your thoughts takes practice but once you begin to do so, you will realize that acting upon anger and dwelling on negative thoughts is always the real cause of inconvenience and distress.
Taking a breather and calming yourself is also a great way to manage your anger. If someone or a situation has made you angry, instead of taking an aggressive approach, try to calm yourself down and reassess the situation by breathing deeply or engaging in another calming activity like a walk in nature or anything else that works for you. Once you’re calm, you can deal with the other person or situation in a rational manner and resolve the issue.
Seeking refuge can be a great way to dissolve anger. Sulayman ibn Sard said: “I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 6/337)
Remind yourself of the rewards of controlling anger. A hadith that that describes the great reward for doing this is:
“Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani, 12/453, see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6518).
Seek Help. It is important to learn to manage anger for your own sake and well being as well as the sake and well being of your loved ones.if you find that your anger issues are out of your own control and have caused you and your loved ones a lot of pain and distress then it is best to do the responsible thing and seek professional help.
